My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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