I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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