Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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