I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
