people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
