when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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