update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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