the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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