i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
