i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
