Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ass is underappreciated
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I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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