I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
