tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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