FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never underestimate the power of titties
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
