you win again, gameday.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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