You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize