my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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