There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
