You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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