I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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