I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
