your thong is hanging out like whoa
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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