Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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