Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
