I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
