Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
