I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
