is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
