In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
where are my eyebrows?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
