Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
