Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
