They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
