Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
