that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
