And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
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