I'm really into asian looking animals
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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