My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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