i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
