I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
