Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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