First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
