4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
