I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
