I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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