I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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