The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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