I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
