I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
