i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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