my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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