me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
