Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
