I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think people are normalizing furries
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
