meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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