my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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