I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
