would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
