Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
