It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
