fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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