Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
