In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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