Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
