Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
