is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
