What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
